He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize