There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
