They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
