So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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