If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize