didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i will never coherently bang her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
