Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
