your thong is hanging out like whoa
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
