I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You ate ashes out of my bong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
