dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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