Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
