a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
