I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm always down for nudity.
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