my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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