it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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