My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
