At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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