it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
