I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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