there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
