That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize