I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
