i need an iv and a liver transplant
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I would fuck him just for his dog
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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