All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize