i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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