My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
