I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
