I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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