some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
