I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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