I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
