Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
