Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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