Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
