They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
