don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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