I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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