I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
