I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
