can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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