I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
