I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
