If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
