so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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