Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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