I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
