It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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