"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
