I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
