Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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