k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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