I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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