I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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