Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Houston, we have a blender
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize