we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
