Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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