OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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