party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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