HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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