Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize