I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
