You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize