I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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