I am midnight drunk by noon
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
