So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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