Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
