i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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