Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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