So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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