During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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