His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
