Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His nipple licking is glorious
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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